JB bear (Taken with instagram)
CHERISHED MOMENTS
Life is not measured by the breaths that we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I ENJOY MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY MORE THAN MYSELF.
—Baby
We will all die.
We must all face this inescapable reality of our existence. We all choose every moment to move towards this reality with greater grace and openness, or more entrenched resistance.
I don’t believe God will heal my body completely of blood cancer, no matter how much anyone prays, no matter how much holy Kool-Aid I drink. There will come a day I can’t swallow anymore. But until then, I’ll keep drinking life to the lees. I’ll keep writing, because it is a way for me to express all the feelings and thoughts that I don’t have the courage to say out loud to other people. And faith making me well enough to live abundantly, with blood cancer.
-Baby-
Have you ever felt, at some time in your life, like you want to fast-forward through a process which on some level you already know how it will turn out? But you can’t hurry anything else that you really want. You can try, but sometimes, it just has to take its time coming.
—Baby
What does it feel like to fall in love?
It’s not a feeling you can describe. It is totally different for everyone. For me it is trusting someone with your life and being faithful, honest and true to them. It is doing anything and everything to make that person happy and making sacrifices of yourself. It is believing in that person, compromise and conversation. When you look at them you fall in love all over again. You don’t care about what they look like, or anything. They aren’t only your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, but your best friend. You get physically ill at the thought of not being with them. It is a force that takes over you where you feel completely happy and fulfilled. It is an amazing feeling, but it can also ruin your life. Either way, it changes your life. For me, it is the greatest feeling that you can have.
-Baby-
Hal buruk akan lebih diingat daripada hal baik. Trust me!
—Baby
A few reasons why I love my dad
Maybe this sounds like a dorky entry, but my dad is one my best friends and if I didn’t have him in my life, I honestly don’t know how I could have made it.
My dad is a cool guy, and not trying to sound vain, but we’re a lot alike. Unfortunately this means that we do clash, and usually when we do, it can get pretty heated… but nevertheless, he’s a good man and I couldn’t ask for a better dad.
A few funny tidbits that only make me love my dad more:
☀ He can’t sing, and when he’s singing, he NEVER rhymes, but it’s funny anyway. And he always sings about the most random things.
☀ Sometimes when he’s being witty and repeating random things that he thought was funny and expecting the listener to think is funny, or to understand it, he will skip important details, which can make him sound a little retarded… Now, I like him in this way because most of my humor requires the recipient (of the joke/comment) to use their mind and make connections, BUT my dad tends to say things that only he’ll get because no one saw that episode or heard that saying (etc.) he was making the connection with (or the subject being connected to his joke is so old that I need to be reminded of how it makes sense.)
☀ He gives people nicknames. I don’t know why, but he does. And they’re usually the weirdest names.
And now for a more serious list (well, some of it):
♥ He’s always been his own person. He doesn’t try to be anyone else.
♥ He’s probably the smartest person I know. He’s also has life smarts — the intelligence that I feel really counts.
♥ He also knows everything. Yes, it’s true!
♥ He’s someone who I can just hang out with. Like I said, we’re a lot alike. Same kind of humor, same musical tastes, same television tastes, same food tastes. Yeah, he’s one cool cat.
♥ Oh, and he can cook too. Gotta respect a dad that can cook!
♥ He was able to quit drinking. If he didn’t do that, life would have really sucked, let me tell you.
♥ He’s the hardest working person I know and on top of that, he is also the least selfish person. He’s a true family man that has always worked his ass off to keep us on our feet. I respect him more than I can put into words.
Yeap, that’s my dad.
-Baby-
I find a reason to smile, not because of anyone but because I started to see things in a different point of view instead.
—Baby
I Love You, Mommy!
I hope that you will always know, whatever I do, wherever I go there is one thing I will never outgrow, and that is my love for you mommy! In my eyes you hung the moon, no child could have ever ask God for a better mommy than you were to me. I loved you then, and I love you still. My eyes might not be able to look upon your loving face, but if I look with my heart I still see your love. I love you mommy and miss you even more.
-Baby-
I Love and Miss You Mommy.. Happy Mommy’s Day!
-Baby-
A LOVE I WILL NEVER FORGET
Look, I don’t know where to start. I love you. I have loved you since as long as I can remember. I guess the first time I told was when I realized how much you meant to me. We have known each other for 11 months. Once we got together, I couldn’t believe how good things were going. It was too good to be true. It was perfect in the beginning. I loved you, and you loved me. I felt like that’s the way it should still be.
I didn’t want to leave you, honestly, I didn’t. If I could go back, I’d beg to stay by your side. To remember that we’re miles away was breaking my heart, but I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to make a good future for yourself, for us. Now that I think about it, how could I have let you go? What was I thinking then? Look what has happened.
I know we’ve been through the toughest of times. And because of that I think we are stronger than we thought. We lasted a good while. I’m so incredibly sorry for everything that I did wrong. I wish you could just tell me, and I would change it all. But, you know that neither of us were innocent when it came to hurting each other.
When I said I would marry you, I meant it. I wanted to live my entire life loving you. We could have grown old together. I know you wanted that. It would have been great. But what happened to us? Where did we go wrong? Wasn’t our love untouchable? Wasn’t it strong? I sit and think, and the only thing that best explains it is that we needed to be together physically. Having you in one place and me in another was unbearable. Although, I wanted to be with you so badly. If I could go back I’d probably leave with you when I had the chance. Would things be better now or is this the way it is supposed to be?
All I know is we may not be together now or maybe not ever again. But I want you to know that you are someone I will never ever forget. I loved you, and still love, and will always love you, no matter what. We’ve been through a lot. But that love is still there. I hope you find happiness. I hope all your dreams come true. You deserve a lot.
I feel very lucky to have had the chance to experience the love we once had. It’s something I will forever cherish. Please don’t forget it. I know things aren’t the best now. I just ask for one thing: be happy, and know that I’m happy. I will always think of you.
-Baby-
You Gave Me Love
You gave me time when no one gave me time of day
You looked deep inside while the rest of the world looked away
You gave me laughter after I cried all my tears
You heard my dreams while the rest of the world closed its ears
You touched my heart… You touched my soul…
And helped me start all over again
That’s why I love you… That’s why I’ll always care…
You gave me love when nobody love me
-Baby-
I’m scared of everything
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking chances. And how it’s really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you’re always glad you took it.
But sometimes, I just can’t make myself believe in this advise. I really wish I could, I sometimes ask myself, “Why are you so scared? What is it that makes you feel that way? Why?” but….. the truth is, I’m scared. I’m scared of everything, and I don’t know why. I’m not brave as you think I am. I’m scared of never feeling any differently than I do now. I’m scared of always feeling bad but I’m also scared of feeling good. I’m scared of bad things happening to me but I’m also scared of good things happening to me because it would be so not what I’m used to. I feel trapped by my fear. I feel immobilized by my fear. I’m scared that I’m going to stay in the exact same place I’m in right now forever. I’m scared that I’ll never move beyond where I am. I’m scared that I don’t have enough courage to take the healthy risks I need to take in order to grow and change and do things differently. I’m scared that I’ll never learn to like myself let alone love myself. I’m scared of living, really living, not just existing. There are people in my life who say they love me but I’m scared of never really knowing that they love me, scared of never really feeling loved by someone else. I’m scared of missing opportunities that I may never get back again. I’m scared of wasting time. I’m scared that in a blink of my eyes I will reach the end of my life and I will have realized that I haven’t lived. I’m scared.
-Baby-
I WISH
I wish I can forget the pain
I wish I can forget the people who hurt me
I wish I can forget the bitterness
I wish I can fully let go
I wish I can move on
I wish I am that strong that they thought I am
I wish I can be free
I wish I am not scared
I wish I can fully forgive
I wish I can love again
I wish someone will love me
I wish for happiness
I wish I can make it through the end
I wish I can
I wish.
-Baby-
If I Die Tomorrow
If you should wake tomorrow and find that I’m not here, remember how much I love you and please don’t shed your tears.
For my life on earth is over, my days have been fulfilled. I did what God intended. My rows have all been tilled.
Just think of me with smiles. Hold my memory in your heart. For if you don’t forget me, we’ll never be apart. For all the loves I held so dear. I’ll be there by your side watching, standing over you. I’ll always be your guide.
And if one day you feel a sense a whisper in your ear, don’t be alarmed, it’s only me to let you know I’m near. And if we never got to hug or say the word goodbye, please, don’t have a broken heart and sit around and cry.
Remember that I loved God and made my peace within. I prayed for his forgiveness, He washed away my sins.
So if I die tomorrow and the sun for you won’t shine, just look up towards the heavens, I’m with the Great Divine.
-Baby-
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